


Symmetra gets pulled over for speeding

by underoriginal



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Autistic Character, Crack, Gen, satya's too autistic and beautiful for dumb laws
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 15:05:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9187622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underoriginal/pseuds/underoriginal
Summary: I saw a headcanon one time that said Symmetra would follow traffic laws and no she wouldn't no she really wouldn't.





	

Officer Smith didn't usually pull over cars as fancy as the one stopped right before him now, especially not ones with the Vishkar logo, but the driver had been going 85 in a 55. He was sure of it too because the speed had been perfectly constant in a way that even cruise control couldn't manage. Precisely eighty five miles per hour. It would have been admirable, if it hadn't been in a 55 zone. 

He approached the car, taking stock of the woman inside. She was dressed in a Vishkar uniform, her hair pulled up in a strict bun, with a prosthetic left arm that was obviously some really fancy science thing that was way, way above his pay grade. But Vishkar folks were all about law and order, right? He would be fine. She had her hands on the steering wheel, licence and insurance card already in her hand. 

"Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am?" he asked. 

The woman arched an eyebrow at him. "Oh, dear me. I would have hoped you had a _reason_ for pulling me over. I'm a busy woman, you know."

Officer Smith sputtered. "You were doing eighty-five miles an hour in a fifty-five."

The woman nodded. "I'm aware." She sounded completely nonchalant, if slightly annoyed. Officer Smith wasn't really sure how to deal with that.

"That's, um, that's illegal."

The woman scoffed. "The fact that this stretch of road has a speed limit if fifty-five miles per hour has certainly contributed to more traffic accidents than a single businesswoman going to work as efficiently and expeditiously as possible." Officer Smith managed to get a look at her ID. She wasn't just Vishkar. She was an architech. Fuck.

"Ma'am, regardless of what you feel the law _should_ be-"

The woman brought her fingers together in a close-your-mouth gesture. "The laws are in place to protect the citizenry, are they not? Of course they are," she said before he had any time to react. "A fifty-five mile per hour speed limit on a straight stretch of road over ten miles away from any exits is not only impossible to reasonably enforce, but it actively endangers the common citizen." 

Her hands were off the steering wheel now, gesturing angrily. Officer Smith opened his mouth to protest but she steamrollered right over him. "What causes traffic accidents is not driving quickly, it is driving quickly when people around you are not or moving rapidly from driving quickly to driving slowly. If some people are going at a speed appropriate for the terrain and weather conditions and some are following an arbitrary limit put in place by people who clearly have no idea what they're doing, that will increase the likelihood of crashes. If some people are moving at a speed that takes into account both their own safe reaction time and the needs of other drivers while still moving to their destination with alacrity and are forced to suddenly slam on their brakes to avoid situations such as the one you and I are currently in, that will also increase the likelihood of accidents. Never once in all my years driving have I been responsible for an accident and yet you would punish me for being a better driver than anyone else on the road."

She paused for a moment and Officer Smith tried again to reply but the woman wasn't done. She glanced in her rear view mirror and scoffed. "Clearly my method of driving is more effective than yours," she said, referring to the numerous scuffs and dents on Officer Smith's patrol car. She peered up at him, casting her eyes imperiously over his uniform. "Honestly, your uniform is a disgrace. You should be ashamed for your precinct by showing up in such disarray. You do realize you represent them to the outside world, do you not?" Officer Smith's tie was slightly crooked and one shirt cuff had a coffee stain on it.

The architech leaned out of the car to get a closer look at him, grabbing him by the face with her prosthetic limb. "Oh, dear," she murmured, letting him go and wiping her hand off with a baby wipe. "You haven't been getting enough sleep, have you? Driving tired is as dangerous as driving buzzed. Not to mention your headlights are starting to flicker. They could very easily burn out while you're driving at night. Here you are, flagrantly endangering the people you are sworn to protect, and you think I'm the one who ought to be reprimanded?"

She gave him a very disappointed look that reminded him of his strictest schoolteachers. "I'm afraid I will have no choice but to report you to your superiors so they can take appropriate punitive action." 

Finally, she stopped, waiting for his response with a primly arched eyebrow that only went higher as he struggled to respond. 

After a hellish minute of sputtering, he managed to say. "I apologize wasting your time, ma'am," he said. "You have a nice day now."

"No ticket?" the woman asked.

"Well, you've convinced me. You didn't really do anything wrong and you know, since you're on company time and all, I'm sure we'd both like not having to report this to our superiors, if you get what I'm saying."

The woman nodded. "I do. Now, drive as carefully as you can back home and get some sleep. You have a hard job; you need to be at your best." She rolled up her window and drove off.

When Officer Smith finished his patrol and returned to the precinct, his boss was waiting for him, expression just barely on the safe side of furious. "Would you care to explain why one of Vishkar's chief architechs lodged a personal complaint about your behavior?"

Officer Smith didn't curse, at least not out loud.

He managed to escape the dressing down with some small scrap of his dignity intact and immediately went to Vishkar's website. After some digging, he managed to find Symmetra's personal email and sent her a polite but strongly worded letter indicating his dissatisfaction with her choosing to report him to his bosses after he was kind enough not to give her a speeding ticket.

He received a reply within five minutes.

_Mr. Smith,_  
I understand your frustration with my failure to uphold what you obviously felt was my end of the bargain, so to speak. However, I am part of the public face of a very powerful and philanthropic corporation and it would be beyond unseemly of me to allow you to escape consequence for your failure to follow protocol simply because you gave me something I wanted. In short, that would constitute bribery. Bribery, as I'm sure you're aware, is illegal.  
Respectfully,  
Satya 'Symmetra' Vaswani :) 


End file.
